Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Overheard Today: Women's Restroom

Two women. Two stalls. Doors closed:

"How long have you been together?"

"Four years. "

"...wow... "

"It's great - he's great!"

"Do you like, fight a lot?"

"No 'cause we never see each other!"

Monday, February 26, 2007

Notes on Interdimensional Travel

Stan arrived yesterday via the interdimensional transporter.
His arm had been stuck in Flat-Dimension 440 for an instant.
It arrived flat like paper
flailing from his rounded shoulder
he arrived shreiking in such agony
we fumbled to push the buttons again yet
nearly instantaneously we were able to throw him back into the field
for coordinate correction.
He arrived again reassembled correctly
all in 3D
and the redeeming quality of interdimensional travel
was that we could bring him back
to this dimension
to a moment before
the accident.
Stan's fine
and wonders why
we all looked so concerned.
For him it never happened,
but for us, it was horrible
and we can't forget it.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Remember, Also Remember, Remember Too

God is not a genie, nor is/was Jesus (they do not grant wishes).

God is not a leprechaun, nor is/was Jesus (they do not play tricks on you).

This information may come in handy next time you feel desperate.

And remember too that the wisest of the three wishes was to wish for the genie's freedom; and the leprechaun only tricks the ones who are after his pot o'gold (or his Lucky Charms).

Friday, February 16, 2007

Today's Cartoon: Clip-Art Vegetables

"I don't mind! I really don't mind!"
"Don't be silly, Zuke, you're in denial! Join us at the intervention!"

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Pre-Sleep Meditation

Try this next time you go to sleep: As you drift off, conjure up the good feelings you have about your favorite people in the world. Let the feelings fill your heart and feel how far they can expand within you. Identify the feelings viscerally as well as with words in your head. Let the sensations you feel about your favorite people sink into your soul and at the same time lift and drift you off to sleep. Indulge your heart in the extent of how good it feels to love - notice the different qualities of love you feel in each relationship. Recall favorite moments with people and the wonder of knowing another person. Recognize the value of being understood, trusting and being trusted with the pleasure of good companionship.
When you wake up in the morning, notice whether or not you feel better than the days when you fell asleep the night before worrying.

(If you're in love, dwell on the wonder of your luck in having found someone to be in love with. Then act on it.)

Monday, February 05, 2007

Today's Cartoon: Clip-Art Sandwiches

Post Superbowl Commentary 2007

Yesterday's superbowl in the rain: there were no cheerleaders. Not a one. Do they not jump and go "woo!" when it rains?

There were some jiggly players though - downright breasty players out there. We gotta get the hormones outa the milk supply!

Still: the players didn't seem to mind the rain too much. So they're one up on the cheerleaders, (or does pro-ball not have cheering? I seem to remember heckling their antics last year... was that the USC game?)

At the party, the guacamole was fabulous, and the fruity mango drinks were delicious, the party hosts delightful and the company, perfect. So I enjoyed the superbowl just fine! Plus they had a little dog that liked to play fetch!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Neighborhood Update

Apartment neighbor who used to drink but quit,
Held off as long as you could, but bit by bit
the shouting resumed;
and the booze it perfumed,
And the cops threw your wife in their car in the midst of a fit.

(I heard your shout that you'd bail her out;
your second mistake at least, no doubt).

The New Year Begins in February

January is just for us to get warmed up into the new year. January is the month to shake off December's forced shopping habit. By February, the feeling sets in that we are indeed in a new year.
So the thing to do next is to decide what changes to make. In January '06 I knocked off my sugar addiction. Feels much better - sometimes now when I'm walking I break into a run just because I have the energy.
In terms of a year, spring is the true start of the year, but our calendars start with 1 in January. It's good to start the counting at one, but starting it at 2 makes a nice rhythmic change. Maybe every year I'll start the new year a month later. In two years my new year will be in spring.
Then of course there's everybody's personal new year that starts on their birthday.

Why I Go to the Superbowl Party

I've been enthusiastically invited to a Superbowl party with people I really like and maybe we'll play a little music, so of course I'm going. But I have to say that's why I like a Superbowl party. I go for the friends, the snacks, the relaxing on the periphery, the laughter, to enjoy the enthusiasm my friends are feeling for this show on TV. I also enjoy the commercials.

I don't have the sports gene. To me football is all color schemes and green grass and gluteus maximuses and hamstrings and quads, lots of people getting in each other's way and something about a ball going back and forth for several hours.

And I also see it sort of the way Ze Frank does: http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2007/02/020107.html

More wine! More cheese! Why does spandex look so much better on a quarterback than on a tight end? And excuse me, but it looks to me like they've all got pretty tight ends!

Disclaimer: yes I understand sports has a value to those who understand it similar to the way good drama has meaning for me. I'm just telling you I don't have the gene so the story doesn't reach me. Aren't I diplomatic?